ANA

Horace P. McTitties asks: Which is better for freezing a decapitated head, Seran
wrap or tin foil (hypocritically speaking) The Sun God may not come for some time,
and I want it to keep in the freezer as long as possible.

Hmmm...excellent question. Well, it's been my experience, (hypothetically speaking of
course) that you should go with a third option. The good ole' garbage bag. Yep, what
you need is 2 heavy-duty yard clipping grade garbage bags. The first to form that ever
important freezer-burn barrier, and the second to help maintain the freshness, as we
well know, no one likes a smelly, freezer burnt head. Hefty (tm) tends to be the best in
the durability factor, as well as offering a new Lemon-fresh scent in the newer
varieties. So whether it be that Coked out Hooker, that you want no one to know
about, or that Troop of Boy Scouts that just cant seem to keep their mouths shut about
that "Special" merit badge, Hefty(tm) is the way to go. So in conclusion, good luck to ya
Horace, and put in a good word for me to the Sun God.
Hermetically sealed, Nash

Skank E. asks: Is it OK to let a man touch you in the "secret place" if he gives you candy
or calls himself a cleric? Main reason is some guy, lets say his name rhymes with Dr
Vern... I mean, ummm, anyway.... he keeps giving me candy and putting my hand down
the back of his cleric robe.

Well Skank E, seems like the most important factor that I need to answer your question
is kinda fuzzy. What kind of candy is it? I mean, if it's something heinous like say Candy
Corn, or Black Licorice, then Hells No. I mean that's just disgusting, but if it's
something like Ghiradellis, or Whitmans, a little compensation may be in order. That
shit ain't cheap. Odd that he puts your hand down the back of his robe....just furthers
my theory that more and more of today's Clergy are becoming "Catchers"
Sinfully yours, Nash

Ouch Bob, seems like you may have forgotten to "wrap your rascal"....that is just a big
no-no in today's society. Whether it be that beautiful young woman you met at the
Monster Truck Rally, or that confused young man, stumbling from too much Ecstasy at
the local Rave, it is very important to "cloak your Bird of Prey". So now were left with
what to do about it? It's very clear to me, that you have 2 options.
1.) Go to your local Health Department
or what I personally recommend
2.) Cut off your penis.
I feel that option 2 would be your best bet, seeing as how you can't use it responsibly.
Don't worry, it's not your fault, some people are just born, not being able to handle that
kind of responsibility. Trust me, it's all society's fault.
STD Free, Nash

Sharon, Sharon, Sharon....the answer to this question is ridiculously simple. All you have to do is
find a Hermaphrodite. This way you two crazy cats get the best of both worlds. And as several
members of Dr. Vern and Company can attest to, making sweet, sweet love to a hermaphrodite is
not gay. Now for the tricky part, catching a hermy'. I've heard tell of legends, that speak of
following the end of a Rainbow, they usually seem to taper off into Truck Stops. Once there,
sprinkle some Beef Jerky, and Glitter around the men's room. Once the the trap is set, it's just a
matter of time before you and your boyfriend are in 3some wonderland.
Large Marge's lovechild, Nash

Well...Hot...., there's an old adage which goes "Don't shit where you eat", but if you feel you must
add turds to the menu, here's what ya do. Ask your boss to meet you in a bar atmosphere, to
discuss "work". If she really is flirting, then she should take the bait. Once there, just chat her
up, and make polite, but flirty conversation. After a few drinks, she will eventually excuse
herself to go to the bathroom. This is when you make your move. Take out a couple of Ruffs, and
drop em in her drink. Once she's back, and drinking again, it's just a matter of time till she's
putty in your hands. Next step, it's back to your place for some "mostly" consensual sex....while
taking lots of pictures mind you. Next day at work, ask for that raise, and if she refuses, threaten
her with the pictures accidentally being emailed to the entire office. You should be rollin in the
dough with no trouble after that...hell, might as well get a blow job while your at it, after all,
you've worked hard, and you deserve it.
Reading my TAPS reports, Nash

Awww poor Whiny, let's see what I can do. First off, how are your advertising your butt? If your
constantly wearing baggy clothes, granny panties, or live in a trash can, chances are your
sending the wrong signals to potential ass-grabbers. Jazz up your ass!! Literally! Start out small,
maybe a trumpet...everyone loves a band! Then there's the 4th of July approach, where a
carefully placed Roman Candle will have everyone's eyes on you! If they turn you down for an
ass-grab, you can call them a communist in front of their friends...and no one wants to be
labeled a communist. So there ya go, you've had the tools all along, you just needed a fresh
approach =)
Plundering Booty, Nash