ANA13

Laughinghysterically writes: Why do short fat and I mean FAT women feel the need to get
a tattoo right above their fat ass? Like their ass isn't already big enough without putting
an advertisement above it.......geez!...Do they actually think that looks good? It's like
putting glitter on shit, it's still shit no matter how shiny it is!

Ah yes, what better way to begin my ruination of Nash's brainchild than to address the
age old debate of tatties on fatties? I must correct one assumption first, hippos know
they're hippos, they're not trying to cover it up. The ass tat is her considerate attempt to
draw attention away from her twin behemoths. So to all you ladies out there that are
inked up and clock in at 250+, I salute you. But I must make one suggestion. Those
generic designs and tribal patterns are getting old. (Everyone knows you ain't part of no
tribe anyway.) If you're gonna take up half the dance floor with your mammoth keyster,
put something on there for me to read, like maybe a poem or a section from a graphic
novel. Of course, if "War and Peace" is a viable option for you, stay the fuck home!!!
Knows that fat chicks are his sexual bread and butter (extra butter), KSV

Well, that depends. If you're looking for the best in karaoke, DJing and live
entertainment, go here. If you're talking about the Uncle Vengeance Naked Singalong
Log Jammin' Jamboree this weekend, then you're too old to attend, but I'll let you watch
for a Ben Frank.
Hopes that Nash returns before the darkness consumes me completely, KSV

Jay's Fave Little Nympho writes: You don't know me but, I see that you know Jay. Having
been a one time "acquaintance" of his, I am a little afraid of talking to him again. We
haven't talked in awhile, and I just want him to know that I am doing okay, and he was
right......I will never forget those nights with him. He may or may not know who this is,
so if he doesn't then nevermind. If he does however, could you tell him that I'd like to
do it....him....again? By the way, I think you have an amazing talent for comedy, and I
recommend you to anyone I know with a computer.
Horny and recently single again, Jay's Nympho

Well, lass, I wouldn't worry about Jay forgetting you. Guys like me and him are in no
position to forget any girl who gives us an option other than masturbation, trust me. In
fact, I talked to him already, and he says he wants to meet you at the Motel 6, room 203.
It'll be dark, cause.......he's been.......self-consious lately, yeah, and he wants you to
know he may accidentally refer to himself as Mike (or Johnny Cage, don't ask), but if he
does, it's just a nervous habit, so don't turn on the lights or anything. And don't worry
about when, cause he'll be there, and he'll be ready. Shit, what else has he got to do
lately? Certainly not finish shooting a fucking movie, the way things are going now! Ah,
but he digresses. By the way, thanx for the awesome...compliment..........that was meant
for.....I hate my life!
Wishes he had ANY nympho, let alone a fave one! KSV

MOTHERFUCKER!!! Why, why, ass rapin' WHY do people keep askin' us this shit! First of
all, YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING PRINCESS!!! Bitches like you operate on the false Disney
like assumption that all princesses do is live in a beautiful castle surrounded by dreamy
guys that cater to their every whim, while playing with their talking pets until the day
Prince Charming takes them away. I'd give anything to see you as a princess during the
French Revolution. Possible, no, but certainly satisfying. As for why I hate Myspace, you
must be asking because of the GIANT PAGE LONG RANT WHERE I TOLD YOU EXACTLY
WHY I HATE IT!!! Of course I did leave out the lack of privacy thing and the open door to
pedophiles, but I can only hate so much at a time.
Maybe if I pretend I'm a pedophile, more people will visit slamevil.com, KSV

Y'know, it shouldn't bother me that someone I may not even know thinks Nash is sexier
than me. But it does, damn it! It hurts big time!! SNORT! It's shit like this that's the
reason I pretend I'm Nash when I masturbate! Anyway, to answer your question, Fuck
Yeah you should do it! You might be surprised how much you like being in porn. It's
America's number one industry for a reason. And do men like to watch women get off?
Are you kidding me? It's beauty is rivaled only by, say, your daughter's wedding or the
gruesome ass rape and murder of Tom from Myspace. So help America's economy
sister, rub one out for Uncle Sam.
Already has your masturbation video on his Netflix waiting list, KSV

Ah yes, I too have lost the ability to use my    key. The bad news is that this problem, if
left unchecked, can spread and also disable your    ,       , and     keys. Here's what you
do. Open up your control panel and click on System Settings. This may require you to
switch to classic menu style if you have XP. Anyway from there go to "Reconfigure
Keyboard" and hit    and     together, followed by       . I'd have done it myself by now,
but anytime not spent downloading porn is a waste. We only have so much time on this
earth, y'know. Oh, and don't forget, it has to be     and     , followed by       . If you press
    and    together, you're computer will restart in safe mode,     and      together will
reformat your hard drive, and if you press       and       at the same time, your family will
contract the HIV virus.
Doesn't have any worries as long as the virus doesn't aff ct th l tt r k ys, K V

What?! The whole fun part of being God is that you get to be as arrogant as you want,
and if anyone doesn't like it, you can turn their genitals into hot melted butter! Oh, but
you must be our new "kinder, gentler" God, huh? I'm not even gonna touch the fact
that you claim to be a member of an already existing religion. Followers can't be
leaders, your eminence. But okay, I'll humor you. In order to be God the subtle way you
must perform miracles. These days there are no virgins to knock up, and I've seen that
Mindfreak guy walk on water (and lemme tell you, if he's God, I'll be the first one in the
atheist line). So you'll have to think bigger. Try impregnating the severed head of one
of your pets, without fucking it of course, then when the child is born, it'll be you fully
grown, wearing a three piece Armani suit, with the cure for AIDS in one hand, and the
world's first Sugar free Pop-Tart in the other. That should work. Now if you'll excuse
me, I'm going to make the most out of the little time I have before my God turns me
into a pillar of salt. Can't say I don't deserve it.
Next week, how to slaughter everyone over 65 without seeming insensitive, KSV

I knew this would come up eventually, Matt. Such a question is not so easy to answer.
I mean, the belief that any question can be answered with a simple yes or no is just
naive. Not everyone thinks alike. In fact, we're so different, it's a miracle we can even
understand each other. Consider the example set by the characters in Lunar: the
Silver Star Story (either the SegaCD or PS version, I never played the GBA one). The
main heroes spend the first few hours of the game looking for a giant diamond
guarded by a dragon. When they finally find the dragon, he willingly gives the diamond
to them, because diamonds are actually dragon shit. We as a society are kinda like
that. Still with me? Good! It might help to consider, my friend, that reality is only as we
perceive it. To truly understand the complexities of the universe, one must make
peace with the fact that none of this may actually be real. That's right, if Nash never
existed in the first place, perhaps neither have I. Perhaps all of this is your dream,
Matt. Or rather, the dream of a giant brain somewhere in a pickle jar in an alien lab,
creating this fictitious world as it's way of coping with the horrors of being a
reanimated jar-ridden brain. Yikes, the very thought would keep me awake at night if I
actually existed. I'd suggest you don't think about it too much, or you might wake up. I
can't imagine creating your own private world will be so easy the second time around.
So to answer your question, yes, we killed him. But don't sweat it. I've heard that evil
can never truly be destroyed.
Knows the only thing that may one day keep him out of prison is perfecting the
"Chewbacca Defense", KSV