KSV writes: I call upon the power of the Elementals of the Four Corners and Shit! Use
your mighty hoosamaphlabits of some kind of magic to bring Nash back from the
grizzly, stinky underworld. Come back to us Nash, the world needs your impotent
wisdom! Oh right, a question. Um......what should my next question be?

Ummm....k. I guess yer next question should be .........wait a fucking minute....you
almost had me. There's no fucking way, I'm gonna answer AND ask the damn
questions. I start doing that shit, and I'll have even more personalities in my fucking
head, and to be totally honest, there's just no more room. I swear I'm just 1 Huey
Lewis song away. from becoming a full fledged Sociopath!
Would do what the voices in his head told him, if they had subtitles. Nash

Mark Foley writes: Since you have killed Nash, will you be replacing him with any
hot, teenagers? I do love to converse with the hot teenagers.

First off, reports of my death, have been greatly exaggerated. I am a Ninja, and as
we all know the only thing that can kill a Ninja is himself, and that usually only
happens when he gets tired of killing everybody else. Second, if your looking for
hot teenagers, get off your lazy ass, and troll the shopping malls, like any other
decent pedophile. What happened to the good 'ole days of conversion vans, and
promises of candy...fuck...we as a nation have truly gone down the shitter.
Always has a Blowpop, bursting with flavor, just waiting to be sucked. Nash

LONGTIMECOMIN writes: What is the meaning of life??

The meaning of life? That's easy. It's to witness my return to Ask Nash of course, ya
silly little bastard. KSV has been doing a fantastic job in my stead.....from what I
hear anyways...I don't read this shit. I won't go into any long, drawn out back story
about my absence. Suffice to say, there was no case, without a body. So, whether
ya missed me, or ya didnt...im back bithces!....(those that missed me are truly sick
fucks, while those that didn't can suck my balls)
Dusts off his keyboard, and prepares to unload his warped sensibilities on the
world yet again. Nash

Accept no subtitutes (that don't have "KSV" in the title)

Feeling a little burned writes: Don't you find that trying renew an old friendship is a
big waste of damn time when one of them just up and disappears when things get a
little hairy?

Little hairy??? Was that a poorly veiled Italian joke? Well that's difficult to answer. If
the person is just being a dick, then, by all means, tell em to fuck themselves. Now
if they had to take off due to uncontrollable circumstances....say having to travel to
Vietnam to rescue old POW peeps using only an M-16 and your signature
roundhouse, then ya should give em some slack.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed every night for.....Nash

Theomar Talespinner writes: Remember that time we had to go to the underworld
and we were supposed to kill the devil.... and instead, we had that bangin party
involving all those preteen hookers and all that blow..... good times... oh, a
question... how have you been since that thirteen year old hooker gave you
crabs???? And do you know where a guy can get some work that doesnt involve a
mouthful of penis????

Ahhh....good times. Oh, it wasn't a thirteen year old hooker that gave me crabs.
She was 12, and it was the clap. Get yer STD's straight. Anywho, of course there's a
way for you to work, without taking a mouthful of penis. Simply take the penis in
your ass, you silly goose. I think there's even a town, full of people that would pay
to stick their Willy Wonka, in your chocolate factory....I think it was called
Smallville.....
Remember, shit's only wrong if you have morals. Nash

Bulldog writes: Yo, what's up Nash?

It's the opposite of down....duh. Seriously though, we have a Halloween show at
Martini's and Eagle Ridge mall comin up saturday the 28th. Everyone should be
there. If I find out that someone out there, didn't come to either show, I will be
forced to drill a large hole in their head, and fuck it.
Trust me....I'll know...Nash

long lost brother writes: Nash, how would you advise someon e who wants to
move back to his family and friends(Dr.Vern, you, froggy, angel) but lacks the
fundage to make a 1400 mile trip? Also,I am upset that I don't have any pictures of
your daughter yet!

Well, I've got an idea, it just hinges on your morality. All ya gotta do is dress the
kids in baseball uniforms, hand em each a helmet, and let em stand in front of
Walmart. You should be rolling in dough in no time. As for pictures of my kid, just
check out her website...www.HotsweatyItalianbaby.com. There you'll find all sorts
of pics =)
Miss ya too...but that's only because my aim seems to be off today. Nash

The Jewiest writes: Im in love with the most beautiful woman on the planet. How
do I approach the topic that I may have lost our baby, the house, one of my
kidneys and the deed to pa's land in a heated poker game?

This one's easy. You don't have to say a word to her. Just walk alongside traffic,
wait for a large vehicle to come by, and stick your head in front of it. Because your
obviously the worst Jew in all of history. The simple fact, that you would ever
un-ass that much money to be placed in such a predicament proves that you are a
Jewish abomination, and need to be destroyed. =)
Wishes he were a rich man...da da dam di di di di di di dam. Nash

Sarge writes: Who do you like in the World Series?

Nobody....and I'll tell ya why. Professional sports players, in my opinion, are some of
the biggest douche bags in the known universe. Granted, we still have a few truly
good people in sports today, but that number is dwindling fast. These supposed
"heroes" for the most part abuse drugs, hop from team to team, and bitch entirely
too much about shit like "turf toe", and sprained fingers. I don't know what it was
like when you played sports as a child, but as for me, when I played
football/baseball/soccer things were quite a bit different. If I were to go to my
coach and tell him that I couldn't play the next quarter because my fucking toe hurt,
he would have probably not only let me sit out the quarter, but the rest of the
season as well. More importantly, I wouldn't tell em to begin with, because I loved
to play, and I would be god damned if I would let a sore toe stop me from doin my
job on the team. Not to toot my own horn, but I've played with a broken hand, my
face split open, and ribs that were so bruised that it looked like I got a bear hug
from Andre the Giant...and you wanna know what they paid me? Not a fucking dime,
because I paid them, for the opportunity, and the joy of playing sports. Our
athletes, save for a few like the rookie QB for Tampa...(motherfucker played with a
ruptured spleen, now that's a fucking man!) have totally lost sight of what playing
sports is all about. It's about being part of a team, and working together towards a
common goal, and having fun. The way I see it, the prima-fuckin-donnas we have
nowadays should pay us, for having tolerated their asses for this long.
Apologizes for the long rant, but I've stewed over this particular subject for years.
Nash

Pinhead writes: NASH! Good to see you back ya little bitchfist. Devil's night is
almost here and i'll be able to walk among you all again, so What are your plans for
this year? I know how you can get *wink wink*

We'll, as ya know, I turn the big 30 this year on Devil's Night, so I gotta do
something spectacular. Being as how I am the anti-Christ, I only have 3 more years
of fun, before I gotta get to work. I'll probably wind up doing, what I usually do
though. Go to a club with an ample supply of ruffies, snag me an attractive subject,
and see just how many pieces of furniture I can I can cover with their skin. Ya
know...guy shit.
Loves hangin out with his boy Pinhead...so long as he doesn't have to go through
airport security with em. Nash

Kevin Bacon writes: In an effort to be able to connect my name to everyone on the
planet for that stupid fucking game. I would like to know how I can be in a Slam Evil
Movie. I guess I could audition, but it seems that this little podunk, Ass-Wart of a
movie company would be grateful to have a big timer like me in one of their
"productions". Of course I would like to Star in whatever feature is filmed and I
require 80% of all profits made from the sale of the film, which I'm sure will be
about 5 bucks. Spreading my seed for the sake of that goddamn game is taking all
my time. please let me know who or what I need to contact to set this up. I've tried
to reach this, KSV character, but I hear he's dead. Anyway, my friend Dane Cook
assures me that this would be worth my while. I don't do nudity, anymore. I refuse
to work with people already "connected " to me. I require an air conditioned trailer
stocked with only green m&m's and I'll need at least 4 hot blonde female
"assistants" to service my needs and a Jason Vorhees drink mug with a crazy
straw. Provide me with the information and meet my needs and your backwater film
company can secure the services of the greatest actor of all time.
regards, Kevin Bacon

How bout no! Ya freaky Footloose bastard! Oh, and there is one thing that I can't
seem to link to you. A stable movie career.
Loved ya in....no, wait...I don't love a fuckin movie you've ever been in. Nash

Recording writes: (ring,ring) Please hold for an important message from Verizon
(redundant elevator rendition of "Smooth operator" plays)

I really wish Verizon would stop calling me. We broke up a couple years ago, and
yet she still stalks my ass. Can't really say I blame her though. Not too many Elven
Ninjas out there that are a lover AND a fighter.
Thinking bout making a booty call to Cingular later....Nash