ANA15

Of course I can see why...duh!! It's laced with small quantities of Ecstasy. Why the
hell else, would they eat a cereal, that if they would take 2 minutes of their lives
could have "actual" Cinnamon Toast?? I say let em have it, because we all know that
Fruity Pebbles is where it's at anyways.
Would have twisted Barney's neck shut, if he ever tried to steal his cereal. Nash

Freddy Kruger writes: Hey Nash, how's it hangin'? Did ya ever find me that person
willing for me to inhabit their body and be human again? You promised me Bud. I
hanging here. don't leave me here. I tried invading the dreams of your daughter, but
damn, your good. It's already too scary in there for me. You're a good dad. I'm asking
for a favor here, don't cha think ya owe me. Need I mention the "incident". Get back
to me soon, I'm not getting a lot of work these days.

I don't know man...of course I remember that thing we did, at that place, during that
time. Thing is....I kinda lost some respect for ya, after you got your ass handed to ya
by Jason in your last movie. I mean..fuck, he's just a giant, super zombie. Your
supposed to be some "mystical" being, with near limitless powers.I say you, and the
big Voorhees have another go round, and if ya win this time, I'll see what I can do. If
ya lose again...then ya really need to do some self evaluation.
Still thinks you missed your calling as a Gardener... Nash

Barry Bonds writes: I don't appreciate your take on professional athletes. We work
very hard to provide entertainment for the untalented fans out there and have to
sacrifice everything just to play a game. We live i public scrutiny and nothing we do
is never enough. If you think you can compete with the ghost of some fat, drunken
home-run idol. Why don't YOU play the game. All We get for our sacrifices and loss
of privacy is a few million measly dollars and the ability to work in high profile
broadcast jobs when we are done. You get to have a family and friends and play
D&D, and sing songs and live amongst the common folks. While I sit in seclusion
and wonder when I'll get to have all that. Nobody ever threw batteries at you for
striking out I bet. No one ever threated to kill you, your dog, your wife and kids
because you go into a slump. perhaps the biggest thing, You can do all the drugs
you want without having to worry about the damn commisioner and all the fans
giving you shit for it. I would love to burn a blunt with my buddies without 40 million
people wanting to take half my home runs and put a fucking asterix next to them.
Consider the human behind the athlete before you make blanket judgement next
time. I have to go now, they are bringing a new cream for me to try out.
soon to be the new king of swing, Barry Bonds

It's my column, so if I wanna make a "blanket" comment, you can bet your sweet
bippy that I'm gonna do just that....and yes, I said bippy. Anywho, wipe your crying
eyes, cuz if I hear much more, your going to make MY pussy start to hurt. Simply
because your "trials" and "tribulations" are viewed by the public, that doesn't make
them worse than those of the common Joe.
Oh, and by the way, let's compare and contrast your whines for a second. No I never
had batteries thrown at me if I struck out. I was merely degraded by a
drunken-abusive father in public, and then had the shit kicked outta me at home.
Yes, I too have had my life, and that of my family's threatened, but unlike you, I don't
have the millions to throw at a personal security force. I simply wait, and hope that it
never goes down. If someone were to ever harm any of my family, I would show
them pain, that would become legend, even in Hell....but I digress.
It just boils down to decisions. Your grown, you've chosen your life, and so long as
you continue to pursue your current path, you are doing so of your own free will. If
you don't like it, fucking quit, if ya stay, good for you...just don't expect a
sympathetic ear, from someone that's just one stubbed toe away from becoming a
sociopath.
Urge to kill rising every day...Nash

Ummm k..let me break it down for you. Fuck the Cardinals. Fuck their mothers for
giving birth to them. Fuck evolution for ever letting their primordial ancestors to
walk upright, and create their progeny. Now, lest I forget....fuck you =) Simply
because my opinion doesn't match yours, that doesn't make me a dumb ass ya silly
douche. The whole purpose of this section, is for you to ask my opinion to the
proposed question. So why bother asking a question, that you already have a
preconceived answer too?
It's not exactly Rocket Scientistry....Nash

Well if ya found me on Myspace, why didn't ya leave me a message? Unless your
really not Teah, but her evil clone. I definitely remember Teah, but I also remember
your evil twin, so write me if it's really you. OH, and the easiest way Ive found, to
forget someone is to run repeatedly headfirst into a wall.
Mortical2003@yahoo.com, Nash

Hung Solo's Biggest Fan writes: Nash, you big sexy bitch you...My boyfriend and I
have a real boring sex life and I was wondering about inviting my best friend ( who
is a girl) to join us but I am scared to ask him for a three some. Is this really every
guy's fantasy?

If he is male, and doesn't love Mangina, then yes he wants a threesome. It just goes
back to our primordial caveman days. When the club decided who ya were gonna
fuck. Today's society seems to finally be letting up with the whole single-sex
partner. Which has their own pros and cons, that I'm not gonna get into right
now....simply because I'm too fuckin shot out to continue typing.
Thinks Krunk would be his caveman name...Nash

Well worried, hate to burst your bubble but he's got some
issues. You see, he's actually in the military, and is stationed
in Japan. I also hear that he has managed to make it to a few
Red Light districts...and well, it seems his penis has fallen off
due to some nasty STD. If your still interested, i'll get ya his
number.
Misses his penis-less nephew, Nash

Pinhead writes: yo nash, you gotta help me, you're one of the sickest people i know
and seeing as how i reside in Hell, that's saying a lot. I need a way to get ahold of
that damn Lament Configuration, i'm tired of people playing with that puzzle box and
summoning me then when they realize what they've done sending me back to Hell.
It get's really tiresome. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated,
Cant' wait for Saddam to get here, your pal and partner in crime, PINHEAD

That's all on you bro. Your the silly fucker that keeps losing the box. I mean Christ,
you'd think you'd take better care, putting it up when yer done with it. But no, ya
leave it laying round, like a set of car keys, just waiting to be picked up and played
with. For fuck's sake!, ya got like a million chains bro, just keep it chained to your
side, and if anyone's badass enough to get it from ya then, well then, your just
fucked from the word go.
Seems he has his work cut out for him, once he hits Hell. Nash

Ummmm....your a 50+ year old, shriveled-up, brain cancer having, near invalid. You'll
excuse me if I'm not exactly terrified. Now if you somehow captured me, gagged me,
and dropped me off in the hood with a t-shirt that said "I fuck Black men, right in
their dirty little shit holes." round 2 am....mebe then you'd get a little startle outta
me. Till then, have fun being the least scariest horror villain of all time, ya
near-dead piece of shit.
Leaves scarier things in his toilet. Nash

Who cares! writes: Hey Nash ... what do you say when your best friend'S birthday is
today and he is turning old as dirt and keeps complaining about all the pain and
discomfort he is in from old age? I try to be supportive ... actually that's not true I
could really give a shit! It's thier own fault for being born so early! What do you
suggest to get the Fucker to SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!

You could always cram their colostomy bag in their mouth...but I guess that's not for
everyone. Another way though is to buy a life-size bobble head doll. It'll keep
noddin, as if your feigning interest the next time they go off on another one of their
nineteen-tickety-2 stories about how the Kaiser stole all the llamas in eastern
Europe.
Doesn't like old people all that much....mainly because they can't struggle for long.
Nash

Hmmmm...sounds like someone stuck their "hose" in a bad spot. No worries though,
there's plenty that a doctor can do to fix that "fire". Oh, and for future reference,
just because that woman, or confused young man says they're clean...doesn't
necessarily mean that they are...
Only burns other people when he pisses, Nash

Link writes: Hey, where does Comedy Central get off basing a Drawn Together
character after me? And why is he gay? This is defamation! Now kids are gonna play
Twilight Princess (available now on the Nintendo Wii) and wonder if it's named after
me..... Of course, this does kinda look like a dress... and I've heard most guys don't
color coordinate their wardrobe....hmmm, Zelda is still wondering when I'm finally
gonna hit second base with her......hmmm, I guess my next question is, what exactly
is second base?

Well Link, I personally think that you should just finally come out of the closet. Fuck,
who are you tryin to kid? Your as queer as a 3 dollar bill, with Smallville's picture on
it. The main reason ya haven't reached second base with Zelda, is because anal
usually is reserved for like date 5-6. Besides, if Zander from Drawn Together ever
showed up at your place, you'd go down on him quicker than an Ethiopian on a Big
Mac...you silly goose. Now stop denying who you are, and taste that fucking rainbow.
Gotta apologize to ya...nothing is as queer as Smallville on a 3 dollar bill...my bad...
Nash