ANA17

Hopeshegetsagoodanswer writes: Hey Nashty,whats up... I have a question for
yah...I am currently in the U.S.Army and i was wondering,why do they call us
Privates? I mean,where does that originate from? Is there some sick fickin joke
behind this?

It's really a simple answer. Remember when all you guys got those niffty haircuts in
basic. Well, when you guys got done getting butchered, you looked like a nice little
Penis parade. Albeit a green Penis parade, but hey, who hasn't had a green Penis
at least 3 times in their life right? So, to keep up with Politically correctness, they
decided to call you Privates instead. Now go forth, and defend my right to fuck
your women while your off at war, ya Dick =)
Really glad the Air Force has titles like Airman instead...Nash

Your Pancreas writes: WWWHHHHYYYYYYY??!!!!
HELP ME PLEASE..I CANT SEEM TO DIGEST ALL THESE CARBS...GIVE ME
INSULIN...IINNSSUULLIINNN!!!!!!OH YEAH,WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP EATING THOSE
FUCKIN THREE PIECE DINNERS FROM THE CORNER STORE..ALL THAT FREAKIN HOT
SAUCE,WHAT ARE TRYIN TO DO TO ME?? OH WELL,I GUESS ITS OK, YOU GET YOUR
PUNISHMENT BY PISSING OUT OF YOUR ASS ALL DAY..

Dammit!!! I thought I killed you back in my Drunky McDrunk days!! No matter, your a
mere Birthday cake/Natty light 40 from extinction. Oh, and don't think I dont know
what yer buddy Thyroid is up to, cuz his ass is next. Im done weighing a hundred
and nuthin pounds. His ass is either getting drugged up, or taken out completely.
Im gonna make examples of you two, to set the other organs straight!
Realizes he cant remove too many of his organs, but at least knows, if he dies, he's
taking them down with him! Nash

FriendfromHell writes: Whats up Nash?Now that Saddam is in Hell,our plan is finally
falling into place.HaHaHaHaHaHa We will walk the Earth again!!HaHaHaHaHa... We
will find you next week Nash,and when we do,our powers will combine to form...
CAPPPTTTTAAAIINNN PLLAANNNEEETTTT!! hahaha

Only if it's attached to the front bumper of a truck goin 60 mph. The real question
here is, why the shit you would want to lick a flyswatter in the first place, ya twisted
fuck. I'm gonna go out on a limb, and say your parents did some really fucked up
shit to ya with a flyswatter, when ya were a kid. Could be wrong, but I doubt it.
Whatever floats yer fucked up little boat, ya sick bastard.
Thinks being named Elliot should have been abuse enough growing up...Nash

Torn between dessert and meat: I have before me a beautiful and ever so tasty
"cream pie" and a deliciously long and juicy "Italian sausage". Oh how I want both,
but I know that if I start on one the other will be left just sitting there wondering
when it will be their turn to get tasted and licked! Which one should I choose to
devour?

That's easy, just combine the 2 into a creamy, Italian sausage pie! There's no
reason at all why ya shouldn't be able to enjoy the 2 at the same time. Hell I mix shit
up all the time, although when I eat pancakes and sauerkraut, people often hurl for
some strange reason...
Thinks "cream pie" and "Italian sausage" are actually pussy, and dick...kooky why I
would think that. Nash

Mortical writes: WHAT THE FUCK?! I just heard that you and your friends are going
to chop my head off and take the job of Death from me!! FUCKING WEAK!! I don't
want to go back to being a pussy ass half elf!! My question is WHY, WHY, ASS
RAPING DONKEY DICK WHY????????!!!!!!!

Ok, first off, you make Ass-Raping Donkey Dick sound like a bad thing. We don't
judge here, and by we, I mean you, because I judge every-fuckin body, it's what I
do. Second, don't feel so fucking special, I mean, I chop off lots of heads. Hell, I'd
be shocked to know that the whole Highlander series wasn't some knock off of me.
I don't gain any preternatural power or any shit like that...I just like lopping heads
off, nothing personal. I think I would make a pretty sweet death though....course
only people that would still be living would be friends, family, and every hot chick
on the planet.
Is it still pedophilia, if the kid is already dead? Nash

Pissed Off writes: Where the hell ae you Nash??!!Ive been waiting for two
weeks,and not a single one of my qustions have been answered..You should put
yer mile-long dick up(in your pants)for 2 freakin minutes and answer my
shit...Loves the way you sign your answers ...Pissed off

Ummm, I've been answering all the questions I get. Believe it or not, I actually have
shit to do, other than this column, Fuck man! Those hookers aren't gonna snort
coke off their own asses, so cut me some slack, ya ass-hat! Oh,and just for your
info, my dick isn't a mile long...it's only 3/4 of a mile long, and I wrap it around my
waist to give myself the illusion of having body fat.
That's not his gut, that's his gat! Nash

Jaquio writes: That's right, Nash! Even with the help of Ryu Hayabusa, you never
defeated me! I live still to ask you this evil question. Just what does "Gaiden"
mean? I've looked it up in like a million dictionaries, nothin'! I've even seen the
word in other games like Resident Evil and Tetris, so it's gotta mean somethin'!
Help a brotha out, seeing as how you can't defeat me and all.
P.S. Did you know the game was originally gonna be called "Pirate Gaiden"? Tecmo
changed it at the last minute. The world just wasn't ready for a game with an all gay
cast.

Well Gaiden means the biography or episodes untold in the official biography. Oh,
and have no doubts,as soon as I find an old school game shark on Ebay, your ass
is mine!!, you floating glob of grape jelly! Fuck you and your side to side, Ninja
smashing prowess!
Thought there was a game with an all-gay cast already out...called Street Fighter,
or something like that. Nash

Kara from the W house writes: Me and my girlfriends stopped into Martini's for the
first time a few weeks back, now we've all seen Dr. Vern, Angel, Smallville, KSV and
even The Game...but we've never seen you Nash??? What's up with that? Do you
really exsist or are you just a name on the sign? We're all just curious to see how
your show would be? Any chance of ever seeing you around?

Here's the deal...I don't really exist. Im that figment of your
subconcious/imagination that you try to repress. When you see a puppy, im the
one tellin you to kick it, rather than bend down and pet it. When your smoking
outside of the movies, with a baby stroller near you, im the one telling you to flick
your butt in it, instead of cooing like an r-tard. I am every evil little thougt that ever
crosses your mind,that you long to give in to, but just haven't had the nerve to do
so.....meh, actually I DJ every friday and saturday at a different location other than
Martini's. Thursdays are hit and miss for me, and I stay home on Sundays, cuz well,
that's the only day I get to stay home usually. I'll try my best to make it out this
coming Thursday, but im not making any promises. Of course, if you and your
gal-pals were willing to throw me some sort of "incentive" to make it out there, i'd
probably try a little harder...pun intended.
May be evil, but his penis is diabolical! Nash

Neither, they would use the materials to make a replicas of all the Enterprises that
were ever conceived, and slowly starve to death, while they argued over who the
coolest captain was....which is a moot point in itself, because we all know Darth
Vader would ass-rape anyone/anything that Starfleet could ever squirt out.
Currently a Cardasian married to a Ferengi....Nash

KSV is the multimedia genius of Slamevil, and you are a sexually confused teen,
that likes to wave his "wand" at the guys, while ignoring every hot chick that
comes within 5 feet of ya. I mean really, if ya spent more time worrying about taggin
Herpemirone, and less time sweating Voltron, your life would be so much better.
Just because you look like someone, doesn't necessarily put ya on the same level
as that person....course there was Sara...but I digress.
Realizes he took a cheap shot....but is pretty sure he'll be able to sleep tonight.
Nash

lovestofuckwithyou writes: Yeah...so...how does a ninja justify marrying a ferengi
anway? Aren't they a bit pointy-toothed? Wouldn't you lose your cock every time
she blows you? Also, what are the chances that I could borrow her for the night?
My resident Jew hasn't shown up for a few weeks and I need some "financial"
advice.
Doesn't really need a cool tag line for sign off but will take one anyway...

First, because I am a Ninja, I never get hurt, due to my cat-like reflexes. Second,
you can only borrow her if you pay me 1 million dollars....or 1pound of bacon, a loaf
of bread, and a gallon of chocolate milk. Third, your a douche.
Doesn't need a cool tag line either, but he's much better at it than you. Nash