ANA2

Well Jay, I guess that would all depend on your religious stance...I mean, some
cultures belive God to be a Bird, while others believe God to be everywhere,
and everything thing at once!!?? So the answer when it boils down to it, is really
quite simple. God is a Transformer. Not to be labeled a Decepticon, or an
Autobot, but to be simply known as Godimus Prime. I mean, what else could take
on sooo many shapes, and sexes. Sure you have the Changling things from Star
Trek's Deep Space Nine, but they are definately a race of homosexuals...and as
we all know, God hates the Gays...well according to most cultures...poor things.
Anywho, there ya have it, and if im wrong, may Godimus Prime strike down all
Emo kids...Goddamn I hate those fuckers...
Enjoying the First Class seat to Hell, Nash

Hugh G. Rection asks: Um, Nash. I got this, um, friend who owns a website. It's a
pretty funny site, and it's getting a good sized following. But this friend has
another friend who's new bit is suddenly more popular than the rest of my- HIS
website. How should my friend kill this thunder stealing whore?

Well...err..umm...ya..ok...here we go. First, you shouldn't want to kill this friend, of
the friend..so for anonymity's sake, let's call him God of Pussy and all Things Fun,
or GPTF for short. GPTF seems to really be helping his friend's site, if in nothing
else, by getting many viewers to at least glance at this apparent Slap-Dash,
Shit-ass site. And when the page is congested with people trying to view GPTF's
particular section, the viewers will be forced to partake in other areas of said site.
It's what I like to call the "Overflow" effect. So turn that "friend's" frown, upside
down, and let the Thunder Stealing...err I mean "overflow" extraordinaire do his
thing. On a final note, you may even want your friend to encourage, or even
perform favors for GPTF so that the viewers keep pouring in....I heard that he likes
it when you cup his balls.
Anonymous, and out in the open, Nash

Well Buck, this is one of those questions that I can't answer through first-hand experience.
You see, I'm Diabetic, so eating a Tootsie Roll pop is kinda outta the question for me. But that
doesn't mean I don't have the answer. I did, what anybody would have done in my situation. I
rented a U-Haul van, went to the local playground, and kidnapped 5 children. I then took them
to an undisclosed location, at which point I tied them up, leaving one hand free, so that they
could grasp their Tootsie Pop. Once all the kids had their candy, I turned it into a fun little
game...kinda like "First one to Lick to the center of the Tootsie Pop, gets to see their family
again!"...it was really quite magical...So the answer is 780 licks. Bobby was so happy that he
was the first to finish...but alas, he had seen my face, as well as the other kids.....don't know
why I choose 5 kids, instead of 6, when my gun holds 6 bullets....HAHAHA, silly me.
Waiting for a Sugar-Free Pop tart, Nash

Needham O'Greencard asks: Top O' the Morning, Nashie! Oi've got a question fer ye. Me
woife and I are plannin ta spend Christmas with me family back home, but what she doesn't
know is that Oi've been fattenin her up to feed me family. Only problem is, she's twice as fat
as we wanted her. Foock a doock, she's as big as a hoose. Me family will have already filled
up on potatos by the time she's done cooking. Me question then, laddie, is what am I gonna
do with the leftovers? PS, I'm starting a band. Know anyone who plays the bagpoipes?

Needham, ya silly Mick. You already know the answer to this question. It's common
knowledge that ALL Irish households have at least a half-dozen Leprechauns as slaves. And
before you say it, I know that Irish Society doesn't recognize the little guys as people, but
merely as possessions. But come on Needham, the sun shines on even a dog's ass once in
awhile. So after the women-beating, Guinness swilling, wife eating festivities are over,
throw the little guys a bone...they deserve it.
P.S. Sorry, but I can't help ya out with your band. It's not that I dislike bagpipes, I just hate
Irish people.
Glad he's not Irish, Nash

Well brown-eye, that kinda depends on the situation. If it's another man's penis that you
cram into your man's ass, then yes that would make him gay in my book. But if you mean like
the occasional pinkie finger, then we enter a sort of gray...or maybe in this case, brown
area. This debate has been raging for quite some time. It really boils down to what defines
a man as being gay.Some classify it by lifestyle, clothes, or the amount of Show tunes one
watches. Others define it by the physical act of plunging one's Purple Headed Warrior
down into the Depths of the Hershey Highway. I guess it boils down to how comfortable
one feels with their sexuality. I mean, if you 2 are having sex, and he wants you to cram
your Louisville Slugger up his Mangina, then by all means, let your freak flag fly! So long as
he isn't wearing heels, or humming "It's Raining Men", everything should be
straight....Goddamn I love puns.
Maintaining his anal hymen, Nash

I'm assuming you mean those little pirate ships they seem to magically cram into those
clear glass bottles.We'll unfortunately, it's not magical at all, and it's really quite sad. All it
takes is one bottle, one ship model, and one sad, sorry little man. Next your saying, "Really
Nash?? That's all it takes??..I mean, that sounds as easy as MC Sean after 2 Zimas", but in
fact, is not so easy after all. You see, the bottle, and model are easy to obtain. But the key
ingredient is the sad, broken down, shell of a man that it takes to perform such a task. It
takes years of rejection, abuse, and just an overall shunning by society, to mold a man into
the meticulous, anal-retentive shut in, that it takes, for such an arduous labor. While
everyone else is out having fun on the weekends, this man is at home, eating a
frozen-in-the-middle pot pie, watching Red Dwarf reruns, and skimming through the stuck
together pages of a Victoria's Secret catalog. Once his meal is over, he's now focused on
the task at hand. By practicing such a beautiful, and difficult art, he feels that he may one
day gain some sort of recognition, praise from his peers, or "gasp!" may even be able to
see a living woman naked by luring them in, to see his handy work...but alas, it will never
be. So the next time you see a ship in a bottle, remember all the blood, sweat, tears, and
possibly semen that has dripped off the catalog, that has went into making such a
Masterpiece.
Making sure his dingy, avoids the Poop deck, Nash

MORBO writes: Inferior Humon columnist Nash. I MORBO; Rule of the planet "OMICRON
PERCI I 8"! I have a similar problem with fattening up HuMon food live stock. I have solved
this problem by abducting my live stock from a lesser developed area of your puny little
planet known as Hardee County! Most of the HuMons from this area are the right weight
for consumption, do to the lack of front teeth and the lack of ability to keep higher paying
jobson your puny planet, makes the male Humons of this area lean and trim. We of
OMICRON PERCI I 8 always leave the Humon females of this area free, they have the
uncanny ability to reproduce quickly with the other ALIENS that over populate that area.
Now, my question for you PUNY humon columnist ! Where can MORBO, acquire some
humon horn for MORBO’s friend ? See MORBO’S friend is unable to pleaser his female
and needs the humon horn “quickly” to please is female. Help MORBO,,, I MEAN, MORBO’S
FRIEND ! Or, parish with the rest of the puny humons !

Ok....MORBO..."sigh"...Not sure exactly what ya mean by "humon horn". I mean, if you are
talking about a man's One-eyed yogurt slinger, then by all means, just dont fuckin eat it.
Really, just forget that portion of your meal, and hang on to it, so that you can rig up, some
sort of strap-on device to better pleasure your human concubine. But if "humon horn" is
a metaphor for one's mojo, then this maybe a serious problem. You see, some of us out
here on Earth have an Over-abundance of what we like to call mojo, or game, or whatever
other little Pirate nickname we like to call it. It just boils down to how well one does with
the ladies. I myself, before I got married mind you, was quite the little Manwhore. I would
never have to approach women, they usually would just approach me, and the magic
would work from there.Sometimes magic looks alot like ruffies, but that's for another day.I
guess if this is what you meant, then I would be more than willing to allow you to siphon
off some of my mojo, so that you may better please your woman. Now that I think about it
though, if youve been rounding up your women down in Hardee county, all you really
have to do is wear a rebel flag on some part of your body, develop a hate for all
minorities, and put a sweet lift-kit on your spaceship. You'll be drowning in "humon"
pussy in no time.
Hears OMICRON PERCI I 8 is really nice this time of year, Nash