KoW2

-Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I saw
a teaser for a Transformers movie. The bad news is that Pearl
Harbor's Michael Bay is on board. I guess I am being quick to judge
here, but expect an "I told ya so" if we get this

-So let me get this straight? If something is really bad, it sucks.
Sometimes it even blows. And yet, good things kick ass. Speaking as
a man who has not only been blown, but had his ass kicked, I think
we should reverse it. Personally, I think it's kick ass to get sucked
and it sucks to get your ass kicked.

-Fuck the gap between the two smallest toes on my right foot if
there aren't a lot of rap songs about asses! Those of you who aren't
massively successful DJs might not notice, but there's a (pardon the
expression) buttload out there. They call it booty music for a reason, I
guess. Personally, I think one of my favorite body parts is poorly
represented in the world of ill gangsta shit. I am of course talking
about my balls. No, not just anybody's balls, cause personally I'm
against those. I mean MY balls! What can I say, James loves his Giant
Peaches. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but sometimes I wish
public nudity was acceptable, so more people could marvel at my
elephantine scrot dwellers. There's an idea for your next album, 50
Cent!

-Slam EviL! wishes to salute the first ever "Slam EviL! Man of the
However Long it Takes to Think of Another One!" This ...said amount
of time... we honor "The Big Stud" from Clerks 2. For those of you
who don't know, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!? WHY
HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE FUCKING MOVIE YET? IT RULES! Anyway, go
see it and come back........Ok, so now that you know who he is, you
can understand why no one else deserves this intangible award but
him. His dedication to his work is something unseen in today's
society. When the cops showed up to "assist the firefighters", he
knew he'd be the first to attract their attention. But did he bolt, No!
He stayed and fucked that donkey! Most people I know would've
stopped fucking the donkey when that bitch showed up with the
cake! Hell, I bet your lily ass wouldn't have even fucked the donkey
to begin with! After you were done blowing it, you'd have called it a
day, huh pansy! So, Mr. Big Stud, whether that's your real name or
not, Slam EviL! salutes you. As for the rest of you, I'd like to see what
you're gonna do to top that, rookie!

-I should put out a brand of toothpaste for rappers and call it "Grill
Cleaner!".....No? Damnit!

-Okay, fine. Forget the toothpaste. How about this one? ...Ready, you
listening? Well, I guess you're not seeing as how I'm writing this
down and not talking. Anyway, here it is, the ultimate car accessory,
Rear Horns. I've found myself in the situation where I waited longer
than .2 seconds at a red light and some asshole blew his horn at me.
This pissed me off and my reaction was to blow MY horn, which sent
the wrong signal to the motorists in front of me. It was there and then
that I thought up the answer, Rear Horns (tm)! Think about it! People
behind us piss us off too, right? What better way to send them a little
"Fuck you" than with "Rear Horns (tm)", a product of Slam EviL!
Unfortunately, the "Fuck you" will most likely have to be hypothetical,
seeing as how some FCC fuck will probably only let me make the
standard "Beep" noise. Other than that, though it looks to be another
great product from Slam EviL! Entertainment! (Drink Responsibly.)

-So I'm looking at a bottle of some generic bathroom cleaner, and I
see this:
     2% active ingredients
     98% inactive ingredients
     Total = 100%
So somewhere out there, there are people that meet 3 criteria:
     1- They don't know that 2 plus 98 is 100
     2- They don't know that anything dealing in "percent" equals 100
     3- They still care enough to demand this shit be written on the
           bottle.
People like this...hmm. Y'know what? This will never be as stupid as
my need to post this rant on my website. Has my life gotten that
pathetic? Oh, what's that? I need to get a girlfriend? Wow, what a
NOVEL FUCKING CONCEPT! I'm glad you realized that, cause
everyone knows it's that fuckin' easy! FUCK YOU!!!! Ahem..anyway...